2012

Having a blog gives me the license to make one of the best of lists. But, always the pessimist, I'll start with what sucked

The Worst

Dwight Howard
Remember that time Van Gundy was being interviewed about the problems with Dwight, and he was being pretty candid about the rocky relationship, and then Dwight popped up, put his arm around his coach without any knowledge of what was being talked about? That was hard to watch.

The Hobbit
Okay, I haven't seen the movie, so this isn't a critique on it's quality, the point is... I haven't seen the movie. The guy who attended the midnight showings of the last two Lord of the Rings films. The guy who was inspired by Aragorn to grow his hair out. The think is, when news broke that The Hobbit was going to be a trilogy, it was like a balloon was deflated. It feels like a cash-grab, and one that I can avoid, for the time being. I'm sure I'll eventually see it, and that it may be pretty good, but it won't be the whole story; just a tease.

The Public
Blaming mass murders on video games. Backing religious extremists politicians. Letting Chris Brown be relevant. The sad state of social media. George Carlin once said, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

The Meh

Superhero Movies
The Avengers, Spider-man, Dark Knight Whatever... While all commercial successes, failed to excite. They all, kind of, just lived up to expectations. If this was the 90s, that would be more than enough, but I want something more. If you're not going to inspire or do something different, what's the point?

Streaming Services
Netflix stayed more expensive. Hulu has commercials even if you're a paid user. Content owners still make their content difficult to get to. Who cares, anymore?

The Walking Dead
Season 3 started out pretty great; it moved at a faster clip and had some seriously freaky moments, but has since become bogged down in it's own lore. Some characters act without motivation and often, the show just feels trite. If it didn't do so many cool, nasty things you wouldn't normally see on TV, it wouldn't be worth watching.

Video Games
Nintendo came out with a new console, which has failed to garner excitement. The 3DS and Vita are just kind of there. All the big games were part 3s or 4s, so if you weren't already invested, there wasn't a lot to be excited about. The saving grace, for me, were downloadable games, like Rock Band Blitz and The Walking Dead. The new systems can't come soon enough.

The iPad Mini
A retina screen away from being on the next part of this list.

The Best

Perfume - Fake It

This song may have been a B-Side in 2010, but it became a single this year... so... it's my list, anyway.

CM Punk
This year he became the longest reigning champ of the past 25 years, even surpassing the golden boy, John Cena. He had great matches with Ziggler, Jericho, Cena, Henry, Kane, Bryan, Ryback, Big Show, and even Vince. He was hilarious and threatening. The Rock's stint at WrestleMania may have been what lured me back to wrestling, but Punk is what kept me here.

Boardwalk Empire
Somehow, this show got even better. It was always good, although a little light on plot. The first two seasons were about character development. Season 3 was about turning points and consequences. The show was made by Bobby Cannavale's portrayal of Gyp Rosetti.

Gangnam Style
I don't need to link to it, I just had to bring it up so I could say, "I told you so!"

Smart Toilets
My biggest revelation of 2012. In the future, our grandkids are going to say, "You did what with paper?"

Right In The Feels

The Race Is On

Which of these celebrities will suddenly and surprisingly lose more weight in 2013?

 

Posted with Blogsy

Brawlin' Buddy

A funny story about this autograph.

1999

By the time my friend and I showed up to the mall the line was wrapped around the parking lot. We waited for nearly an hour before it became very apparent that not everyone was going to get a chance to meet The Rock. My friend and I decided to try to cut someone near the front, pretending to be their friends, and slip them a 20. It totally worked. Up until that moment, that was the smoothest thing I've ever done. Now it probably ranks 3rd or 4th. We were ushered in to the next room with The Rock, but they stopped the line right behind us, and right in front of the guy who we cut. We were super worried they wouldn't be let in and that we'd be jumped in the parking lot. We begged security to let them in, and they obliged. They were the last group of the day.

If I Keep Ordering Stuff Online...

If I keep buying stuff through Amazon...
And ordering food through GrubHub...
And streaming all my movies...


How am I going to meet the cute girl behind the register?

Leno

I don't like The Tonight Show, but then again, it's not for me. It's for older folks and tourists. He does a damn good job on that formant, it's just not very exciting.
I don't like that I don't like him. By all accounts he's a good guy. And, at times, he can be a hell of a comedian. His stand up is well-respected by the kind of comedians who don't blow smoke up anyone's ass.
The problem is he was involved in screwing another comic. The comic I grew up with. I'm sure it wasn't his fault. In everything I've read, he was just another piece in the game. Another screw-up by NBC.

My Favorite Bill Murray Performance

He's iconic in Caddyshack. Makes Ghostbusters a classic. And reinvents himself in Lost in Translation. But for me, nothing says Bill Murray quite like Groundhog Day. He gets to be witty, dry, over the top, haunted, psychotic, and still lovable.
Here's my favorite scene, where Bill get's several attempts to woo Andie MacDowell. Watch for comedic genius when finally gets the toast right.



The 'Amen' at the end was brilliant. That hesitation. The way he played her. Quietly hilarious.

Something I Just Realized about The Olympics Opening Ceremony...

Over a billion people got to see hip-hop.

And good hip-hop, at that. Bravo, London. For having the guts and intelligence to showcase one of your better artists. Hip-hop was on the world's biggest stage, and it worked. No drama. No controversy. It doesn't matter who gets it or not. What matters is that hip-hop is undeniable.
The shame is that they beat America to it. We have the SuperBowl. We have Jay-Z. We invented the music. Opportunity missed.

LAX

I just stepped off the plane and saw this guy.
http://m.imdb.com/name/nm0790434/
LA is awesome.

Unique Actresses

Actresses don't really stand out like they used to. I can't tell the Olivia Whosits from the Kate Whathernames. They're all very pretty and very good, but fail to leave a lasting impression on me. If you can't get Mila Kunis you get Minka Kelly. No big deal. Emma Stone. Blake Lively. Jennifer Lawrence. They're completely interchangeable. They're "girl next door", which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
There was a time, even one I can remember, when actresses were unique. I'm thinking the last really special one was Nicole Kidman. But, being a child of the 80s and early 90s, Julia Roberts sticks out. Remember when tall was sexy? And big hair meant big personality. The angular frame and exaggerated features, all added to mystique that made Julia completely entrancing. I wonder when we'll get another like her.

Meeting Your Heroes

If you admire someone's work, should you meet them? Whether they be celebrities or creators, if you have a chance to talk to them, should you? What if they don't live up to your expectations? If you really are a fan of their stuff, and you're excited to meet them, how could they live up to those expectations? If they're having a bad day, and if they're off their game, odds are they aren't going to be what you were hoping for. But the context is important. If it's a situation where they are making themselves available, in some kind of public setting, shouldn't they be, 'on'? Or what if they're simply a jerk? That could be disappointing. Would that change the way you feel about their work?
Bogart said, "All you owe the public is a good performance."
If that's the case, and it very well may be, why would you want to meet that person? At the end of the day, they don't owe you a thing. But sometimes encounters do turn out well, and you gain a great memory to go along with your admiration. Is the gamble worth it?

If I Were Woody Allen

I would not have let this go.

Charm. Beauty. Wit. She had it all. I can' think of anyone today, who comes close. You can tell that Anniston is trying really, really hard.
YouTube won't let me embed this video, so you'll have to click through.
Meeting Annie Hall

She-Devil

I don't know who I hate more: Chelsea Handler, or people who think she's funny.
Watching her show is worse than going to the dentist. She's not a comedian, she lacks the characteristics of a showman, and she's not even good-looking. All that's bad enough, but the fact that she has so many followers astounds me. People hang on her every word, waiting to burst out in laughter. She's the final peace of the unfunny triumvirate along with Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia.
And, she's mean. Not funny mean. Just mean.
I know it's not cool to hate on what others enjoy and we all have preferences, especially about what's funny, but when I hear someone talk about how they enjoy Chelsea... I actually lose a little respect for them. I can't help it. Sorry.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Since the death of Steve Jobs, I've had some time to reflect on what his work has meant to me. I've found it difficult to fully express the impact he's had on my life, and this entry is an attempt to satisfy that feeling. I don't wish to eulogize the man, there are people in far greater a position to do so. I don't feel it necessary to justify his contribution to human culture. Truth be told, if you don't already realize his impact this article may not be for you, or simply put, you just don't get it. What I am trying to do is come to terms with the fact that I feel an incredible loss, not a loss of a CEO, or a inventor, or even a man, but the loss of a pioneer.

For a while now, I've come to terms that there are three people, whom I've never known, yet have had a profound impact on who I am; Martin Luther King Jr., Jim Henson, and Steve Jobs. They are now all gone. Each of their lives cut short in the middle of their most important work. And that is what bothers me the most; Steve was in the middle of some of his most important work. King died long before I was born, I only know him through history books and documentaries. I grew up with Henson's work, but I was too young to realize who he was, or when he had died. I only know that he was a big part of my childhood, and his death closed the chapter on that era of my life.

But Steve... I knew Steve.

Sure, when I was 6 and my family had a Mac in the living room, I had no idea who was behind it. I only knew that I had this cool little box that let me paint crude pictures of houses and trees. I became aware of Jobs much later, after I graduated High School and started playing around with computers more seriously. I, like many others, fell in love with Apple. And those who truly love Apple know what I'm talking about. You don't like your Mac, you love your Mac, and you learn to love Steve.

Here was a guy who did it all. He brought you great products with amazing design, but most importantly, he gave them purpose. These machines weren't intended to make us work faster or easier, they were mean't to allow us tho do more, to do greater. Steve often talked about living at the intersection of "Technology" and "Liberal Arts", and I thought that must be the greatest place to be.

Which brings me to my greatest concern:

Where do we go from here?

Jobs was more than a businessman, he was a pioneer, an explorer. In the last ten to fifteen years he has revolutionized the entertainment industry, computing industry, information age and publishing. All the while, making the tools available to the plain man. There are many great CEOs, most of which are highly capable at leading a company, initiating change, and nurturing creativity. Unfortunately, most of these men are reactionary, they don't have what Steve had. Time and time again, Steve took great risks, venturing into new fields, creating entire new markets. Others could only hope to answer with competent, albeit uninspired, products. They tried to replicate, but could never duplicate.

I can only hope Steve's work lasts another life-time. It's not the technology I'm concerned about, the technology will grow, faster and greater still. I don't want us to lose the sense of spirit, adventure, and even foolishness, Steve imparted. I'm sure those who were close to him or worked with him feel that. They now have their entire career ahead of them with the new mantra, "Do for Steve." I can only be optimistic that we can carry on his legacy. Not in the man he was, several accounts make clear that he had his fair share of foibles, but in what he taught us. The most important thing we can do from here on out... is think differently.

Bieber Fans Learn a Very Important Life Lesson

Yesterday, millions of tween girls and adult perverts were heartbroken when Justin Bieber failed to win the Grammy for 'Best New Artist'. They immediately took to the Twitter-net to vent their frustrations. 'How could he lose?', they thought. As any good, irrational mob does they decided to take their frustration  out on a unsuspecting, helpless individual; 'Best New Artist' winner Esperanza Spalding. Now I must admit, I've never heard of Miss Spalding until last night, I am embarrasingly ignorant to hip Jazz bass scene that is sweeping our nations coffee houses and college campusses. That being said, last night was also the first time I ever heard or seen Bieber for more than ten seconds, but I'm not exactly his target demographic due to the circumstance that I like women. The result is that I am curious to hear Spalding's music and I was more than a little impressed by Bieber's ability to do what he does.

Who deserved the award? I'm not sure. What does 'Best New Artist' mean, anyway? Should it be based on who brought the most joy to people and made the biggest splash in the music industry? If it did, you couldn't make an argument for not giving it to Bieber. Is it based on musical merit? I'm not talking about preferance or opinion, but on the pursuit of perfecting one's crafting and creating a stellar piece of art. Like I said, I'm not familiar with Spalding's work, but one could only assume an off-the-radar Jazz musician spends more time in the studio and less on photo shoots. Her latest album is her third as a solo artist, not including many other releases as part of other groups. This only lends some credibilty to her proficiency in her field. But if we are going to be a stickler for incosequentials like 'talent' or 'ability', shouldn't we wonder why an artist who released her third album can even be eligable for 'Best New Artist'? Were her fist two not eligable? Isn't it the job of the Recording Academy to find and highlight such artists?

What I find most interesting is what last night's events made apparent; there is an intense amount of cynicism present in today's youth. Since last night, Twitter has become a wasteland of hate messages directed towards Spalding from self-proclaimed Bieber fanatics. They event went so far as to deface her Wikipedia page. The sentiment amongst these young fans is that Spalding is a mainstream unknown, and thus undeserving of the award. This is a disturbing example of the undeniable feeling of entitlement that seems to be prevalent among the younger generation. Last night, these fans learned first hand that they can not and will not always get their way. Take this as a life lesson, Bieber fans.

I must say this; I am not one of those people who are hating on Bieber and his fans, that seems to be a popular sentiment, today. I suspect this comes from a place of jealously. He's a good looking kid who makes popular, accessible music. I'm sure the same feelings were common when a young Michael Jackson took the stage. Kids need pop music, it's an entry way to further artistic discovery. You don't hand a 7 year-old The White Album. In other words, Bieber fans, please don't take down my site.

Lea Michele is Sexy, Parents Confused

Once again Lea Michele has bothered Middle-America with a sexy magazine cover. People are upset because, although she is 24, she plays a high schooler (17, I think). They claim this sends an inappropriate message to their children, and are up in arms.

One such dumb bitch, mom Kim Trefcer said, "She plays such a 'good girl' on 'Glee' and a lot of kids look up to her persona. Then she poses very provocatively on two magazine covers which makes my almost-13-year-old son very confused and offended.” -Fox News (Damn, I can't believe I'm linking to them)

I agree, if by 'confused' she meant 'curious', and by 'offended' she meant 'horny'. So, let me get this straight; this woman is upset with a cover of a magazine intended for adults but is okay letting her son watch Glee? Doesn't that show deal with teen sex, drug use, drinking and infidelity on an almost weekly basis?

Sounds like this Kim Trefcer is hating, not unlike the time Santana was hating on Rachel when she was going after Puck.

When Hip-hop Failed to Excite

When the Black Eyed Peas were selected to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show, it meant a return to normalcy. Seven years have passed since the infamous "Wardrobe Malfunction", and during that time we had to endure several sub-par performances from artists far too old and respectable to pull a stunt like that. The networks went with artists so old (Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, The Who) that fans had already forgotten all of the drug use and debauchery they were known for. Janet was never linked to anything like that. But it finally looked like the networks were ready to get back to young, hip music by relevant artists. It also appeared as if they were going to give Black music another chance. (Prince didn't count, White people had already stole him) Unfortunately, The Peas turned out a halftime show as lame as anything seen in recent years.

The Black Eyed Peas were supposed to bring back the energy. No other current group has as many party anthems and dance floor hits while remaining extremely accessible; this seemed like a perfect fit. Unfortunately, the group never got going. After sliding down from the roof, The Peas got into position, a nice wide stance to provide optimal stability. From that pose, they preceded to go through their impressive catalog of hits, all the while remaining extremely stiff. They were lacking the exciting dance moves that were part of the groups repertoire. Wait. What am I thinking? Robots don't dance. There is no need for dance in the future. They looked stinted and lame.

The set design didn't help matters either. Where were the flocks of "fans" crowding the stage? Instead, the Peas used a bunch of Tron extras to fill up the extra space. They looked lonely on that stage, separated from any reaction and reciprocation they are used to from their fans. It would have been to much work to get a cameraman near the set, to get a dramatic worm's-eye view of the performance, so most shots were from the roof. The whole production looked like a child's rendition of a Peas show using action figures and a Flip cam.

The Peas had a couple of surprises, in the form of odd cameos. FOX and the NFL were not about to leave their core demographic unsatisfied, and managed to stick Slash in, you know, so people can see guitars. Slash is still pretty awesome, but his prowess was overshadowed by a painfully silly Axel Rose impression by Fergie. That was a rendition of 'Sweet Child O' Mine' only ever seen in the finest of karaoke bars. Unnecessary. Later, the Peas were joined on stage by Usher, who injected a much needed shot of excitement into the floundering show. Now, I'm certain he didn't sing more than five words, but that dude can dance, kinda like the way the Peas used to. Usher's hop over Will.I.Am to split proved to be the highlight of the performance.

The whole thing lacked the energy and excitement fans were hoping for. A big disappointment. This is where NBC can capitalize. It is clear who they should select for next year's halftime show:

Jay-Z

Give the people what they want. He is the only rapper who can properly rock a stadium and he appreciates the moment and can deliver a suitable performance. I mean, the dude has already performed for the President. NBC already has a house band on call (The Roots) and can even let Jimmy Fallon introduce him (huge synergy, cross-marketing opportunity). I'm sure they would be fine with the injection of a white guy on guitar, too; I'm thinking Linkin Park or AC/DC. This scenario makes so much sense that the networks probably won't go with it, and will just pick Sting.

P.S.

Come on, Will, let the other guys sing a little; they may never go to a Super Bowl again.

In Defense of Ricky Gervais

It is the next day. I write this not 24 hours after Hollywood received a well-deserved punch in the gut. A jab meant to remind those who think too highly of themselves, that they are still men. And like all men, bleed. It is the day after Ricky Gervais put celebrities in their place.

Bravo.

Many are ranting that he went to far in his job as MC of the Golden Globes. That he was mean-spirited and showed poor taste. I, for one, applaud him. Standing on that stage, in front of some of the most rich, powerful, and beautiful people on Earth, Ricky spoke for the common man. The person who doesn't have the luxury of a publicist or a stylist. For one night, Ricky nocked them down a peg, and made us feel a little better. He gave us a look behind the curtain, at the farce that Hollywood truly is. Sure, Tim Allen is great as Buzz Lightyear, but if you put a few tables away from Dinero, your asking for it.

Some squirmed, some cried foul, most laughed (especially those who Ricky didn't have in his cross-hairs). Do celebrities not realize that they have brought this on themselves? They seek our admiration and attention when they are at their peak, but run from the spotlight when they stumble. You take the good with the bad, it's a package deal.

Ricky Gervais will most likely never host a show like this again, the FPA has already said as much. That's too bad. The show was funny, wince-inducing and downright scary. In other words, good TV.