Fuck Exercising, I Have Insurance Now!

Every year millions of Americans resolve to "eat right" and "exercise more" and millions fail. Getting in shape is more marketing gimmick then viable solution to this country's health problem. Those who value a healthy lifestyle don't wait for arbitrary calendar changes to do so. They're fit, always have been, always will be. Good for them.

Me? I throw caution to the wind. I live on the edge. In other words, I love Dorritos. And it is because of my love for those cheesy triangles of delight that I am in the same precariously sinking boat with everyone else.I know, I know; I should be weighing myself and counting how many glasses of water I drink everyday. The truth is, I'm not worried. Why? Because I have insurance.

Obamacare has given me nearly 3 months of health insurance until my 26th birthday. Some may squirm at the thought of being in that position but those people are pu**ies. I live in Chicago, I'm more concerned with getting shot for my Beats by Dre. Living  without proper insurance, I  have gained a greater appreciation for the fragility of life, and I live in a fairly sensible and cautious manner. But with this 3 month pass, I say fuck it; let's make the most of it.

Things to do in the next 3 months:

• Bungee Jump


• Eat something poisonous


• Clean Gutters (See, thats responsible)


• Join the polar bear club


• Defend a lady's honor


• Successfully pull off a 900

The truth is, I probably won't use my health insurance. Did you hear that? That whooshing sound was a collective sigh of relief from a bunch of conservative assholes. Many people who don't actively seek health insurance usually don't use everything it offers when they have it. We aren't chomping at the bit to hear a doctor tell us what we're doing wrong and what we're doing too much of. We're too busy guesstimating how many pizza bagels we should put in the oven.

Many people criticize Obama's plan as creating a culture of irresponsible adult children. I can only respectfully disagree and offer my rebuttal in the following sentiment.

"Suck it!"